Dylan’s embarrassment

Describe one of your favorite moments.

One of my favorite moments involves what I consider to be justice. That moment was when I turned a narcissist on his head; he was so embarrassed he couldn’t look me in the eyes with his evil glare anymore because I had exposed him for what he was.

The narcissist in question was a coworker of mine at a large pharmaceutical company in Cambridge, MA, the capital of dark triad personalities.

Dylan was a scientist at the same level as me in the company, and although everyone else on the team had their PhD, lil ol’ me with my lil Masters was skilled enough and had enough experience to be a scientist at their level. While the rest of my teammates adjusted to this, he did not. I have to assume this is why he was so generally unkind and lacked empathy or respect toward me: he wanted power over me. I didn’t do anything to him to warrant his dislike other than display indifference toward the things he cared about: power, status, and whatever other principles of narcissism there are. Now, we should also consider that he had no boundaries and would listen to me on headphones from a nearby room… and I talk to myself, it’s a stress response for autistic people. By eavesdropping he likely heard something he DIDN’t like and used that against me for his smear campaign.

If it had ever occurred to me that my accomplishments and talents were enviable, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to get along with Dylan because to him, anything I did was making his envy WORSE; I quickly became a target of not only him but of every other envious/fragile person in the office – his minions.

Mobbing is what happens when a group of people, usually people targeting a high achiever (according to the workplace bullying project), harass the target until they voluntarily leave or are fired. In my case, I was fired for speaking up about the abuse I was suffering.

On my last day at said company, everyone was gathering into a meeting room for an end of year presentation by one of the interns on the team. I got into the room and made sure to sit in a corner at the far end of the table, where I could see everything. No surprises, no one wanted to sit next to me. They were mad I had reported them, but I didn’t care, I wasn’t there to be liked. As an autistic individual, I struggle with social situations and context clues. I prefer being alone to being with a group. I went to work to do what I love and to make money. I did NOT go to make friends. Especially not from this group of baby scientists.

People slowly trickled in behind me, finding it difficult to pick where to sit. Was I offended? I would’ve been if I cared about the opinions of this particular group of humans.

All of a sudden, I felt a familiar stare and I looked up to see where it was coming from. Standing at the office window was Dylan, who immediately averted his eyes and turned red. He stood with his back hunched and his hands in his pocket – his tail between his legs. He found a different room to sit in altogether. The embarrassment I could feel from him was so obvious to not only me but to others who followed him.

He stayed as far away from me as he could for the rest of the day, looking like he had lost his toxic masculinity all at once. It was the most satisfying feeling I experienced, after months of harassment and disrespect, this fragile man went running in the opposite direction. I showed all my tormentors that I was aware of the antics and not afraid to lose a job I hated. I did not find peace right away; it took years to heal enough to speak on what happened. Never will I forget that look of horror mixed with embarrassment on his face. It would turn out to be the only form of justice I would receive, given I was fired the following day and he got to keep his job. I’m still alive, still breathing, still fighting for equity and equality in all spaces, INCLUDING work. I choose to stay sane and live a simple happy life, over a rich, painful life where I’m required to sell my soul