Have you ever had surgery? What for?

My experience with a minor surgery illustrates the concept of competent care or in this case, lack there of, within underserved communities.

I was leaving a routine appointment with my pediatrician, Dr. Nau. He had noticed something in my ankle – it was swollen larger than normal – and although I didn’t feel any pain, he suggested I go to a specialist.

The specialist, a tall, pale man with poor bedside manner, took a look at my ankle, poking and prodding it in confusion. He hadn’t seen anything like this before. 6-year-old me knew very little about the situation until I was scheduled for a follow up appointment for the surgery.

The day of the surgery, I had not been briefed on what to expect. The doctor hadn’t bothered to explain to my mother or me, assuming we wouldn’t understand. Due to this oversight, I immediately did not trust the doctor.

He was having a hard time getting me to sit still so he could cut into the pouch. At this point, seeing the knife, I was horrified. I started screaming and crying, which made it worse: they had to hold me down. This is when I lost it all together. How would you feel if you showed up to a doctor’s appointment and you hadn’t been told what to expect?

The appointment was successful but only just. The doctor was able, with my mother’s help, to hold me down long enough for him to drain the pouch of whatever fluid had filled in my ankle. He wrapped my foot in gauze and I hurriedly jumped off the table.

After we left the appointment, my mother expressed her dissatisfaction and disappointment with me for the way I acted at the doctor’s office. I was only 6 but I felt ashamed of myself for not holding it together better. Only now do I know that the doctor was not competent, and the way he conducted himself made my justifiable fear about surgery, worse. These are the types of experiences underserved communities suffer through in the healthcare system. Doctors who think my skin is thicker and that I don’t feel as much pain because of the color of my skin (which are remnants of racist ideas perpetuated during slavery).

This lack of culturally competent care is one of the reasons why I started SoulSprouts. To bring competent, sensitive mental health care, support and resources to BIPOC youth. By sharing our stories, we can better tackle the ultimate enemy: stigma, which is perpetuated by racism, sexism, misogyny, and ableism, among other isms.