When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I never knew who I wanted to be. I just knew I wanted to be my own person. Free from judgement or control. Control over who I got to be out in public. Control over what I ate (which lead to a horribly successful eating disorder, killing myself slowly). Control over what others saw when they looked at me.
I was a fawn. A stupid child. A tragedy. I trusted nearly everyone around me. I didn’t know I would choke in my desperate need to stay woke. You’ve been abused since childhood? Me too! You were both belittled and hypersexualized by most of the boys and men around you? Me too! I hate that we have this commonality. We exist but cannot be.
I want to know what it’s like to love my father. luckily, I have my Father. He who saves me on the daily, He who would never betray me. He who holds me without pretense, he who for all his will, for mine, he bends
I want rest. Nothing but rest
a long reprieve from this cruel test
No more echo chambers unless
those echo chambers end this test
I’m a baby, why do you covet me
defiling me while you live freely
please don’t use me like a diary
then go cry, your fate is fiery
oh, you’re lonely? So was i
I would never steal your fire
there’s no safe space, none aspired
Only fake space, me? I’m tired
don’t come find me when you’re lonely
don’t cry crocodile tears, you don’t own me
I’m happy right here, here at home
few know what it means being alone
What are your thoughts? We want to know!