Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

*Warning: Themes of suicidal ideation, abuse and substance use*

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Like a fish, I have circled escape

it felt easier than being awake

it didn’t matter what I’d take

the goal was sleep, a planned mistake

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if I could simply cease to wake

my hope was the world around me would quake

those that hurt me would quiver and shake

but only if I didn’t wake

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That was many years ago

today I practice resilience and growth

all my efforts are seeds I sow

changing me in ways only He can know

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I have since put down the lies

the alcohol and it’s beckoning cries

I traded them all for a simpler guise

Hope so strong it fills the skies

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everything I lay at His feet

Total surrender, a tired heap

No longer do I sob and weep

wishing for an end to come in sleep

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like a fish I drank poisoned water

hoping it would hurt my father

Pay back for a childhood mercilessly slaughtered

Cast aside, a disappointing bother

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I looked for love instead from my mother

She had none left for me, the ‘other’

so I gave my love to my brother

and my sisters, playing with one another

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like a fish I swam away

freedom was east, I couldn’t stay

I wanted to fight another day

even if every day looked gray

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I had no idea I would find

people equally as unkind

sending me hateful thoughts, unsigned

As they eagerly awaited my tragic unwind

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I survived their cruelty

Like a fish I swam back from the cold waters out east

escaping the sharks with their jagged teeth

finally I could clearly see

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people cannot give you love

not like God can from above

I no longer chase escape

His love for me is worth the wait

Fin