July 11, 2018

4:07 pm

I think I have internalized the word “selfish”

How will I know for sure?

I think I abuse substances:

laxatives – to cope with deep seated feelings of self worthlessness

benadryl – to cope with insomnia

alcohol – when sad, with friends, to feel less anxious

smoking – when I’m in pain, to think and to enjoy thinking, to become more aware of myself and to question reality

Why do I want to believe I’m a bad person?

When I finally admitted to myself that I struggle with substance use, I started to question if things were deeper and darker than I thought.